Let Them Eat Real Estate

There comes a defining moment in every presidential campaign where a candidate says something not only profoundly stupid and tin-eared but indicative of who they really are, which, for their opponent, is the political equivalent of a flat, slow pitch dead center over the plate. The kind your wood cracks so solidly that the thwack can be heard across the stadium, and the cover peels from the ball, and one long string unravels and floats down over the back wall, followed by the yowp! of a falling pigeon, which hits the ground with a stomach-churning shlupping sound, bounces, then gets run over by a garbage truck in front of a troop of Girl Scouts who have just emerged from a field trip to a petting zoo.

This is called a “gaffe.”

An example of this would be if, at the height of the current mortgage crisis, when people are literally fighting to keep their homes, one of the candidates, perhaps an older man, pressed to answer how many homes he owns, fumbles, can’t remember, and tells the reporter to check with his staff for the exact number. This means the candidate not only is richer than anyone you probably know but is so unconcerned with his economic status that he can’t bother to keep track of these things. That or he’s senile…take you pick. And that’s exactly what happened to John McCain today:

I own…what was your question?

For the record, the answer is: ten.

In other words: Hey! You kids! Get offa my lawns!

About Steve Patterson

Steve Patterson has written over 50 plays, with works staged in Portland, Los Angeles, Chicago, Detroit, Austin, Tampa, and other U.S. cities as well as in Canada and New Zealand. His works include: Waiting on Sean Flynn, Next of Kin, Farmhouse, Malaria, Shelter, Altered States of America, The Continuing Adventures of Mr. Grandamnus, Bluer Than Midnight, Bombardment, Dead of Winter, and Delusion of Darkness. In 2006, his bittersweet Lost Wavelengths was a mainstage selection at Portland Center Stage's JAW/West festival, and, in 2008, won the Oregon Book Award (he also was an OBA finalist in 1992 and 2002). In 1997, he won the inaugural Portland Civic Theatre Guild Fellowship for his play Turquoise and Obsidian. View all posts by Steve Patterson

4 responses to “Let Them Eat Real Estate

  • Jill Stewart

    Oh common, country leaders always have been and always will be rich people, even before getting on the throne. And I can tell you, I don’t mind. Just look what have done average, or even poor men, who had power – Hitler, Stalin and other (usually communist) leaders. Rich or poor, power corrupts everybody .) When McCain has 10 homes, maybe he will concern about real estate crisis, because low prices affect him a lot! 🙂 As somebody, selling West Toronto homes for years I can tell you real estate market will recover itself, just the “powerful ones” have to play with something else than interest rates and pouring money into banks…Jill

  • splattworks

    Thank you for that astute political analysis from a Canadian realtor. Now back to your regular programming.

  • Harold Phillips

    Socks and Barney had a comment on McCain’s House “Gaffe…”http://www.socksandbarney.com/2008/08/22/gahhh-plus-laugh/

  • MattyZ

    My patience is thinner than ever with both candidates. I mean McCain is behaving like a moron, because he has been forced to appeal to morons. In adopting a base of “black and white” moralists, McCain cannot possibly exercise any nuance or intelligence and also carry his core voting block. I almost feel for the man, because I don’t really think we’re seeing McCain at all – but what he is having to “be” in order to succeed. This has to be dizzying – no wonder he made such a hilarious gaffe. To be over 70 and serving as a mere pawn – that’s bad karma.But Obama is and always has been a common politician. Like any other. Common. Obama comes from rough and tumble Chicago politics, and all those who genuinely thought he was a candidate of change (whatever that means) were too amped up on their overpriced lattes and elevated rhetoric to see the obvious.I’ve enjoyed hearing the left wingers on Air America starting to freak about his drastic move to the center. How is this at all a surprise? HELLO!!! I appreciated Chris Matthews of MSNBC acknowledging how distasteful it was for Obama to agree to the Faith Forum with Rick Warren. Anyone who thinks Obama stands for “hope and change” should be forced to listen to him go on and on about what Jesus means to him – and what defines “marriage”. If you can’t guess, it’s “one man / one woman”. He’s for civil unions of course, but “marriage involves God”, you see…and as everyone knows – we homosexuals aren’t good enough for Him. My heart is full of such “hope”, Barack. Thank you for articulating a message of “change.” Oh and thank you for supporting the FISA bill so I can see a truly Orwellian America. VOMIT!And now he picks Biden – who I actually love for his candor. But as the wonderful Bill Mahar said, “He’s picking a boring old white guy.” I don’t actually think Biden is that boring, but he is certainly SAFE. Now funny Grandpa Joe can help people feel safe around that black guy with the funny name.Politics as usual, folks – but all the bitching aside… Obama is still the lesser of evils. Once again, I’ll hold my nose and pull the lever. Or as it is in Oregon, fill in the bubble…

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