So Sam Shepard…our Sam Shepard…got himself busted for DUI the other night (you would think playwrights should be afforded special dispensation…Dramatists Guild, let’s get cracking); but the details of the story are…well….

It’s like this.

So Sam, see, he was headed back home to Kentucky. Leaving Minnesota. Minneapolis. And, you know, that’s a drive. So he stops off in Bloomington. There’s this bar there he knows, Fat Jack’s, and maybe, who knows, he runs into somebody who knows horses or something. Anyway, it’s around 2:00 AM, so we can pretty much assume he rode ‘er out to closing. And he’s driving along, some place called Normal, Illinois. No really. And it’s like a 30 mph zone, big deal, 2:00 in the morning, and they pop him for going 46. I mean, shit. Who wouldn’t be pushing it a little to get the hell out of Normal?

So they do the Breathalyzer, the whole thing, and it says double the legal. But we’re talking Sam Shepard here, so, you know, the legal’s kind of under the baseline, if you know what I’m sayin’. What the hell. He says he’s sorry, posts bond, and disappears into the wilds of Kentucky. Thank you very much.

It’s not good. No, it’s not good at all. But still. You know…fuck Normal.