Courtesy of the lovely Wonkette….
Tag Archives: Sarah Palin
A Sad Thought
“If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?” Going Rogue, page 133.
Sarah Palin…she just isn’t going to go away for awhile, is she? Not until she flames out like some kind of right-wing supernova…or Britney. Stumbling out of her book tour limo with no panties….
No, no. It’s too terrible to think about.
Also.
Don’t Know, Don’t Care
I got people asking me: Sarah Palin, she just up and quit? Why, why?
Well, I’ve thought about it for a couple days, and there are a range of possibilities.
One, another five-inch heel is about to drop, and she split before she had to quit.
Two, somehow she thinks this will help her in running for president in 2012, given that she can start making speeches and raising money and hanging out in Iowa now. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You go, girl! (Shithead.)
Three, she’s pregnant again, this time with the Weekly World News’s alien baby.
Four, some enchanted evening, hers and Mark Sanford’s eyes met across a crowded room at some Rotarian rubber chicken dinner.
Five, she’s in deep mourning for Michael Jackson and just can’t go on, man!
But the one I’m leaning towards is six, she’s just plain batshit crazy, and boy are we lucky she never became vice-president. To wit: WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING JOHN MCCAIN? WAS THIS THE ULTIMATE END RESULT OF SOME FIENDISHLY CLEVER MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE INDOCTRINATION IN A NORTH VIETNAMESE PRISON CAMP?
Whatever. Bye, Sarah. Don’t let the door hit ya where the….
*sound of door slamming*
“Ow.”
Oh thank god….
Sarah Palin accepts David Letterman’s apology
Apparently, Palin figured she’d milked as much as she could from the incident. But, finally, everyone made nice like grownups. And then Letterman and Bristol went for a walk together in the park. The end.
Now can Sarah Palin go back to Alaska and open a meth lab, like Jesus intended?
Sheer Genius
Below is a reproduction of an index card that apparently slipped off Palin’s podium last night and was found by a janitor sweeping up….
Not really. But would that it could be. The graphic, courtesy of the Wonkette, is nonetheless…perfect.
WTF?
Washington Post published poll results that show Obama leading by 9 points. Reaction from McCain campaign?
*crickets*
McCain cancels David Letterman appearance due to the nation’s dire financial situation then does a live interview down the street during Letterman’s taping. Letterman cues up live feed and asks the senator if he’d like a ride home.
*crickets*
McCain demands candidates suspend campaign, cancel debate, to deal with financial crisis. Obama says, uh, no…dumbass. We have planes. We can fly to DC for a vote. Presidents ought to be able to do more than one thing at a time.
*crickets*
Palin gets interviewed by soft-news princess Katie Couric and sounds like a stammering, clueless hick in so far out of her depth that you can only watch through your fingers. Meet the maverick! See the roadkill.
*crickets*
I believe we have finally, for true, followed the black light arrow around the bend. Cue the carnival music.
