Whatever Happened to Huckabee Hound?

Not much has been heard from mutant Christian candidate Mike Huckabee of late, mostly because John McCain’s beating his ass like a brass gong, but the Huck resurfaced today in one of the most pathetic press conferences on record. The following is presented purely for scientific purposes…don’t try this at home.

CLEVELAND, Ohio — Huckabee said his campaign has been asking the McCain campaign to debate them and suggested questions surrounding McCain’s adherence to campaign finance laws raises doubts about his viability.

Speaking at a press conference that drew no reporters other than the six who travel with the candidate — despite the national press corps in town for the Democratic debate — the candidate said he wants to debate McCain.

“There’s a race going on, and I wish Sen. McCain was debating me this weekend,” Huckabee said. “I wish we were gonna be in Cleveland tonight on stage or in Dallas or in Houston or San Antonio or Austin or somewhere between now and Tuesday having a debate.”

He said Republicans deserve a debate and that he was “disappointed” a forum between the remaining candidates hadn’t been planned.

“We’ve made it very clear that we would love to have,” he said, “whether it’s a debate or a forum or Q and A, where both of us are there. I think any type of format would be acceptable to us and any location would be acceptable to us.”

Huckabee said the race remained open while the McCain questions about his spending were in the air. “What can John McCain actually spend?” Huckabee asked. “And he seems to be almost being bitten by his own campaign finance reform act, and there are a lot of issues to be settled with what happens in his spending limits.”

Huckabee added that McCain may have to “go completely dark between virtually now and the nomination convention.”

Huckabee did not hold a public event in Cleveland, but did receive a private tour of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, before traveling to Columbus and Mason for rallies as well as a fundraiser in Dayton.

About Steve Patterson

Steve Patterson has written over 50 plays, with works staged in Portland, Los Angeles, Chicago, Detroit, Austin, Tampa, and other U.S. cities as well as in Canada and New Zealand. His works include: Waiting on Sean Flynn, Next of Kin, Farmhouse, Malaria, Shelter, Altered States of America, The Continuing Adventures of Mr. Grandamnus, Bluer Than Midnight, Bombardment, Dead of Winter, and Delusion of Darkness. In 2006, his bittersweet Lost Wavelengths was a mainstage selection at Portland Center Stage's JAW/West festival, and, in 2008, won the Oregon Book Award (he also was an OBA finalist in 1992 and 2002). In 1997, he won the inaugural Portland Civic Theatre Guild Fellowship for his play Turquoise and Obsidian. View all posts by Steve Patterson

4 responses to “Whatever Happened to Huckabee Hound?

  • Danielle Wilson

    I’m not a fan of Huckabee (or republicans in general) but in this case I think Huckabee is right. He’s still in the race, he should still have a chance to debate.I think all debates should include all candidates on the ballot whether they are primary ballots or national ballots. This means 3rd party candidates (although I probably won’t vote for them either) should get to debate on national tv with the other national candidates. In short, if you’ve got enough support to get your name on the ballot you’ve got a right to be heard.

  • splattworks

    Heh heh. You’re so sweet. (Pats head.) You want politics to be fair.Seriously…McCain doesn’t want to debate him (or anybody else) because it means he could add one more thing on record that he’s going to have to deal with come the general election, and he’s walking a thin, long tightrope with the electorate in the center and the party far to the right. Huckabee pulls him to the right, then he has to try to convince folks that he’s not some kind of religious Nazi at the same time he’s trying to convince Jebus freaks that he wants to set up a toll-free hotline to adopt fertilized eggs cause them is people. (Fuck ’em once they’re born, though.)Besides, if you let in every third-party candidate, you have to let in Ralph Nadar, and who wants the room smelling like rumpled suits?

  • Trish Egan & Harold Phillips

    I’m still trying to get over that four-eyed Huckster photo… eeeew!You’re right on the money, though, Steve. Why should McCain bother to debate Huckabee? He’s already the nominee in most Republicans minds… all a debate would do is diminish that status.

  • Lisa

    Steve I love you but that photo made my eyes pop out, gave me vertigo something fierce, and I had to cover it up in order to read teh posting! Good work!Of course McCain doesn’t want to debate Huckleberry boy, who would?

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